It's Not Always You

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Sometimes it is.  But usually it's not.  So, what about when he's grumpy, or quiet, or, god-forbid, not communicating openly about why he's been preoccupied?  Often our first reaction is to assume it is something we are doing, or have done.  Is he irritated by me?  Have we been spending too much time together?  Did I become less attractive in some way?  Is he questioning our relationship?  See how you're thinking so much about yourself?  Yah, so is he.  Thinking about himself.  Not about you.  People tend to be self-centered.  Take that into account.

Now, this whole charade can happen whether you're in an official relationship or still courting.  You're still waiting for me to go on about what you should do right?  Well, obviously, it depends on the guy, but it is most probably not about you!  As long as you are a generally respectful partner with her own life, then more often than not, he is thinking about some other stuff hanging over his head.  His car problems?  His kid from a past relation?  His schooling?  His work?  NEVER jump to the conclusion that it is you first.

Give him his space if that's what he needs, and go about your life WITHOUT obsessing!  We women love to break down social interactions to the minuscule details, get all bent out of shape, and start ultra-focusing on the issue at hand, when it would be more beneficial for both parties if, after polite inquiry about the state of the other, we went about our lives.  After extending a compassionate gesture, it is his responsibility to open up and discuss if he so chooses.  You cannot force him.

And he may not even know what the problem is.  Often, this is a generalization, men are not as quick about being able to pin point why they feel a certain way compared to women.  There are a million and one explanations for this ranging from physiological to cultural, so just be patient.

If he seems down for a prolonged period of time, think months, then it could be more serious like depression and a more direct confrontation showing that you are there to help would be the appropriate next step.  But, talking about the less intense hang-up, chill, go about your life.  If it is about you and he sees you living and being independent he may well realize how much he appreciates that you have your own life and decide to work things out instead of dwelling.  And if it's not, well, you kept yourself from feeling a lot of unnecessary stress.  He'll talk when he's ready, or finally figured it out.  It is his responsibility to communicate.  You can't read his mind.

Do you!  Because it's probably not about you!