Intrigue

Source

Let's say you've got your eye on some guy and he seems to like you generally, but you can't quite grasp his attention.  Or maybe he's shown some interest, kinda vague, more like gentle curiosity, and you want to hook that!  Build intrigue!

This is a lot easier than you might think.  You don't need bangs in front of your eyes or a lot of black in your wardrobe.  You just need to let on that you have stories to tell.  What?!  You think you don't?  Well, take a minute.  What are the sorts of things you find intriguing from your friends or from people you have crushed on?  Usually they are pretty standard.  "I was born _____" or "I broke this bone doing this" or even "I almost peed myself when I saw a grizzly on a hike."

A statement about what your passionate about is a great way to bring some interest your way.  You into fitness?  Casually mention how you had a great workout the other day and love feeling strong.  That's a great one because guys love a strong, capable woman who takes care of her body, just like we tend to respect men who take care of their bodies.  Or maybe you're passionate about food.  "Everyone likes food, so say something about your experience in food, whether it is cooking or dining out.

Just showing that you are real, human, and have preferences, makes the guy want to know more.  Not only to see what other stories are hiding in there, but also to potentially get a bit of information for his benefit about those subjects.  Or maybe store them away so he can use them to make you happy in the future?  Or maybe he likes a challenge and wants to argue with you.  Show him what you know with a friendly, non judgmental, debate.  He'll respect your passion and that you are informed about it!

Best intrigue topic:  Your dreams!  Whether you believe you'll ever accomplish them or not, talk about them.  A quick mention of what you wish you would have for your future will spark interest in almost anybody.  Once he hears it, give him some eye contact.  Ask what his dream is.  Everyone has a dream.  And people feel more connected to others when they share it.

We all like telling and listening to stories, especially about subjects that we find intriguing.  Sex, food, adventures, relationships (not the 'talk about your ex all day' sort), and dreams are all things people like to hear about because they like to think about them and therefore talk about them.

Do it.  See what happens!

It's Not Always You

Source

Sometimes it is.  But usually it's not.  So, what about when he's grumpy, or quiet, or, god-forbid, not communicating openly about why he's been preoccupied?  Often our first reaction is to assume it is something we are doing, or have done.  Is he irritated by me?  Have we been spending too much time together?  Did I become less attractive in some way?  Is he questioning our relationship?  See how you're thinking so much about yourself?  Yah, so is he.  Thinking about himself.  Not about you.  People tend to be self-centered.  Take that into account.

Now, this whole charade can happen whether you're in an official relationship or still courting.  You're still waiting for me to go on about what you should do right?  Well, obviously, it depends on the guy, but it is most probably not about you!  As long as you are a generally respectful partner with her own life, then more often than not, he is thinking about some other stuff hanging over his head.  His car problems?  His kid from a past relation?  His schooling?  His work?  NEVER jump to the conclusion that it is you first.

Give him his space if that's what he needs, and go about your life WITHOUT obsessing!  We women love to break down social interactions to the minuscule details, get all bent out of shape, and start ultra-focusing on the issue at hand, when it would be more beneficial for both parties if, after polite inquiry about the state of the other, we went about our lives.  After extending a compassionate gesture, it is his responsibility to open up and discuss if he so chooses.  You cannot force him.

And he may not even know what the problem is.  Often, this is a generalization, men are not as quick about being able to pin point why they feel a certain way compared to women.  There are a million and one explanations for this ranging from physiological to cultural, so just be patient.

If he seems down for a prolonged period of time, think months, then it could be more serious like depression and a more direct confrontation showing that you are there to help would be the appropriate next step.  But, talking about the less intense hang-up, chill, go about your life.  If it is about you and he sees you living and being independent he may well realize how much he appreciates that you have your own life and decide to work things out instead of dwelling.  And if it's not, well, you kept yourself from feeling a lot of unnecessary stress.  He'll talk when he's ready, or finally figured it out.  It is his responsibility to communicate.  You can't read his mind.

Do you!  Because it's probably not about you!